My Love Is Vengeance

No one knows what it's like to be the sad man behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like to be hated...to telling only lies

Not the kind of lies to people but to yourself

But my dreams...they aren't as empty as my conscious seems to be

I have hours, only lonely

No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings like I do

No one bites back as hard on their anger

None of my pain can show through

No one knows what it's like to be mistreated, to be defeated, to be beaten...behind blue eyes

And no one knows how to say that they're sorry

Don't worry I'm not telling lies to you, only me.

But my dreams they aren't as empty as my conscious seems to be

I have hours, only lonely

My love is vengeance that's never free

Fake Plastic Trees

You never really know how deep you shove a painful memory or thought until one day it creeps up between the cracks and reminds you just how much hurt you have been carrying around.

Today it took a mere fifteen seconds to remind me of someone who I never think of anymore. The only person in my life who ever hurt me, truly. I don't know how I did it but I don't ever think about her. Sometimes her name comes up in a conversation but it is as if I am speaking of a passing thing to glance at on the side of the road. My mind does not give her any more thought. I know there was a moment when my soul, not my heart, but my soul, decided to her let go.

Pain is relative only because everyone has their limit. My limit went far and beyond what any child should ever be asked to bear. One day, there had been so much pain, my soul went numb and I began to forget she existed. If I had not made this choice, I might have faded out of existence myself. She remains a story I can recall by memory, like a movie I was forced to watch over and over again.

Once in a while I remember she was good sometimes, like today. Then for a small amount of time I let myself cry. But I want you to know I am not crying because I miss you. I am not crying because you did not love me. I am crying because I look at my daughter everyday and think how I cannot even write the words down to describe what it feels like to be her mom. I cry because you never had the chance to feel that depth of emotion in your soul and that meant you could never be a mom.

Heart And Soul, Not The Tune You Play On The Piano

There are three things in this world that can change your soul...birth, death and the immense presence of another soul. If there was a word that could capture what someone's soul can do to your soul at specific times in your life, when this word was spoken it would shatter windows, break bones and crumble buildings to the ground.
You never know when these souls are going to pass your through your existence but when they do, it shakes you to your very core. The first few times this happens it takes you for this ride in which you have absolutely no control. Your arms and legs are tied down for this roller coaster ride but your heart, well...don't expect it to stay at any one place for longer than 2 seconds. Then the soul joins your spirit and heart together for the greatest high your completeness will ever experience. This ride will last as long as the other soul exchanges enough energy with to allow for the flow of cognitive release.
After your soul has experienced being changed by another soul more than a few times, the next time it happens, you learn to live in the moment and let the high span out into a everlasting moment of wonder. You get to see yourself and the other soul for the reality of the moment. You can enjoy the realness of what it all means even when you know what the end will be. Your soul is going to be enriched and you know exactly how and exactly why. Life and it's purposes are clear and you have no questions about what you are supposed to do.
As a human being you may be lucky enough to experience a few moments in your life that are as intense as the ones that reach inside your soul and stir it up to the point that you may feel the room spin. These are the moments I live for.
I thought I would be nervous. I had been waiting for a long time for this moment. I had been thinking about it. When it came upon me I became surprisingly at ease. Everything about this night was surprising. I was thinking about this on the way there. Who am I? I am doing things differently...my emotions are not what they used to be. When my vision locked in on what I thought would send me into ridiculous convulsions of nervousness, I became suddenly calm, happy and warm.
Looking into someones eyes is a VERY big thing for me. This is not something I take lightly. If I am looking into your eyes, you can know that I am showing you respect. I will NOT look you in the eyes if I do not respect you or if I do not want to know you or you to know me.
His face, eyes, smile and presence were overcoming. When you know something, you just know. Some people have it and most don't.
An AMAZING piece of life.

The Words Inside This Paper Cup

At first we learned to walk, then learned to scream. So often it happens that people have been taught to hold back their emotions. This not only ends up hurting other people but hurts them. When you tend to be dishonest with yourself, it leaves a stain on your soul which you may not see right at that moment or even a month from then but at some moment in your life it will appear and unfortunately for some people it will come at a horrible point in their life. It may come at a point when it will be too late to resurrect their self because when you begin with that one little piece of dishonesty, it only starts a great pile of shit that you will never dig your self out of.

These people can’t understand when they are fed from a TV screen. Life is NOT a TV show. What you see on TV will NEVER be duplicated in real life. Even reality TV is not real TV. Media, movies, commercials...all of it is part of our society and we have to learn to put it where it belongs. Art, expression, consumerism...how it puts the motion of the cycle in life. Love, passion, life, birth, money, government, TV...we have to decide where each of these things ends and begins for all of us and which one of them is important at the end of the day. Additionally, which one is everlasting when you take your last breath.

If you can’t see the things that I can see, I can’t forget that some things just never slip away. I can't judge you if you need something else to make you happy or make you feel important. All I can do is love you, respect you and support you. It is all I would ever do. I am not talking about anyone specific here. I am talking about ALL OF YOU. I am smart enough to know I am here to do what I was meant to do, spread the LOVE and GIVE what I was blessed with, raise my children with the same and leave my legacy behind. I cannot change people and what they believe. I have know this for many years. You can only love them and love them with your heart and your respect. Remembering that you deserve the same and should they not reciprocate that, do not let yourself get hurt in the process of the exchange. This world is hard enough.
I don’t believe in it if I can’t see the truth. Don't lie to me. I can see right through you. I can hear what you say even when you don't say it. I can hear your thoughts. I will NEVER trust you again, if you lie to me.

Welcome to the real world now. Nothing is trivial, nothing. Don't try to tell me about some petty shit. I don't care about how to fold the napkins. I don't care about anything that is not going to enrich my soul. I have seen things in this world that would make you vomit instantly. I DO NOT CARE about your petty bullshit. Don't whine in my face. My brain has no capacity for any of your needless crap. Don't be selfish in my face. Don't play favorites with me. Don't act like you are a better human than other people because of money or status, that makes me want to vomit This is the REAL WORLD...we have WAR and FAMINE and I would like to see you SUFFER for a DAY...then talk to me about your STUPID PETTY BULLSHIT.

I looked for some hope in the very face that has a vacant stare. I have no time for people who say they care but in actuality they are looking for a favor in return. I once had a friend, Bowen. He did me a favor. It was a BIG favor. Just up and did it for me without me even asking. I was so surprised and thankful. I remember thanking him over and over. The next weekend I went over his house and made him this big dinner to thank him. At the end of dinner we were sitting on the patio out the beach drinking wine and I just kept thanking him as I told him I would clean up in the morning and do all the dishes because I had made a huge dinner.

He got right in my face and said to me, "You listen here, you can do the dishes if you want to but please remember this because someone told me this. If someone does you a favor, it is because they want to. You do not owe them anything. If they do it expecting something in return, that is their problem. I did it for you because you are best friend and I care about you and I would do it again because I know you would do it for me. Now drink your wine and shut the hell up."

I cannot tell you how hard it is to run into people that live like that. I probably have had only 3 friends like that ever. Everyone seems like you owe them a living. Everyone wants something from you or wants to see what you can give them...give me, give me, give me.

The darkness floods every light that has promised change and the blood has stained
that which is pain. The truth of all that exists hurts. We are not all coming up daisies. Life is so beautiful but only in the true pain of it all...meaning that you are only able to feel the true feeling of how amazing this life is when you have felt the pain of loss and suffering.

This painted breath I hone and my lungs want to explode. Feel what own, what you are, what you feel. Run when you run, cry when you cry, LOVE WHEN YOU LOVE. Own who you are and never let a damned soul change that. You are your own color in this world and no commercial or brand can tell you what color you should be. Make your own color, invent your own paint. Fill your lungs with the air of the universe and regurgitate the air into the life with air that feeds everyone else with you.

Child to a man, only in a real word, shows that he can. Be a man. Even woman can. Woman once were. I say this "non-sexist-ly". We are all equal. Woman were created from men? Even if in the end it ends up we weren't. We can all stand side by side.
Man - "Wo" Man
Be a MAN.

It’s too late to smell the roses…with all emotions set aside, in a whisper say goodbye. The flowers are pretty but don't let them be your downfall. Sometimes you have to grab your balls and push that shit aside and walk right up to your victory and slap that bitch her in the face. Then say, "Thank you!".

This is the real world now. When I see the truth, I'll believe.

All Of Us, One In The Same

We are all monsters. We live in our skin, though seemingly different, definitively the same. Independently we develop our own props of individualism through our years of existence and no matter how hard each of us may try, we will never attain the goal of being supreme to all others.
All these substances in our life we have conjured up to fill ourselves with. Drugs, TV, Food, Gambling, Money, Hate, Material Possessions, Social Status, Six-pack of Abs, Boob-Jobs, Perfect Teeth, BMW's, Jaguar's, Jacuzzi's, First Class, Clothing Labels...pick your void. All this time you could of been filling your soul with Love.

Why? Because, No One Is Looking.

My first father wasn't even my father until eighteen years in. Within months into that I realized I would only ever be second to his first, daughter that is. Even though technically, I was his first daughter, in his eyes, SHE was REALLY his daughter.
Twenty-nine years in I was given a amazing chance to have a second father in my life. Double the time it took before until I learned the lesson all over again. I often try to figure out why his eyes look at it like his eyes do. The connection took me awhile. The pain was so loud, most days it took all my energy to keep it below the storm. Rage is a tempestuous animal even God himself cannot contain. It talks about it in the Bible.
The storm is cooking. Everyday becoming a little bit more like Tyler Durden. Disappearing. When the devil creeps in, he creeps in good.

Fields Of Possibility...What It Looks Like.

I never write when I am happy...I am changing that. Here it is. Things are changing. Smile.

When The Music Stops...

I had a thought the other day when I took a moment to read my own blog from the potential point of view of another...but I stopped and so did the music, the music that plays when you think everything in this life is perfect or is a fairy tale or a pretty lie. At first I was slightly embarrassed to think of someone reading all these dark thoughts of mine, then I was sad and then I was angry...THEN I was proud. I am proud because a lot of you motherfuckers do not have the balls that I have to do what I do. Additionally, a lot of you do not have the knowledge, life-experience or intelligence that I do. With that gift has come A SHIT LOAD of ghosts to deal with. The way I cope is to write about it. Anyone who knows me, knows I am a happy, goofy, silly, laid back hippy-like woman. Everything you read on here is talent and therapy.
My brother said something to me the other day that made me think. He said, "Don't judge me".

To my brother, "I would never judge you, I have no place to...I SEE YOU."

To people who read this and try to make a judgment...

Movies... reality, sometimes it's hard to tell the difference...we as entertainers have a responsibility.
If I were to die murdered in cold blood tomorrow, would you feel sorrow or show love, or would it matter? There is way too much at stake for me to be fake, there is too much on my plate and I have come too far to turn and walk away and not take every chance to say what I have to say.
What the fuck do you take me for? A joke? You must be smoking crack.
I'm trying-a smack this "one" out of the park, with the "five-thousand mark".
It is crazy, the way you act, when you confuse fantasy with real life...when the music stops.

The Ghosts Of Christmas And All Holidays I Will Never Have, Past...

Tonight, for a moment...I slipped into your pocket. I heard your laugh. I missed the good part. I've talked myself into sanity all day. I've told myself that it ain't no big thing. I picked that phone up and down at least five times.

A warning sign. I started looking for excuses and then the bubble burst. My wall came tumbling down. Your voice. Come on in. The truth is, I miss you. I miss you so.

I was fine. My days were flying by. I do not know what happened by there were cracks. A little one here and then a little one there. You came back to haunt me and I realized you were an island and I passed you by. You were an island to discover. The sad part is I am can't be your Columbus. It is so hard to let go.

I want to tell you what state I'm in. I want to tell you in my loudest tones. But I have to hold up this warning sign. I have to remind myself. That even though I know my truth is I miss you and I miss you so...I'm tired, and I have to let you go.

There are warning signs telling me that it is not safe to crawl back into your open arms.

I can't hope it is ok anymore. You've held up the warning signs for me, in your loudest tones. Your truths say you don't miss me, you really don't miss me and you have let me go.

How a phone call can haunt me. So stupid of me to think it could just be a simple talk between two friends. It will never be.

I will always hear you. I will always see you...even when I close my eyes and try to see past you, I will see you.

I (still) SEE YOU.

My Ghost Of Every Christmas And All Holidays Past I Will Never Have, Past

Dedicated to MAB

All In All, You're Just Another Brick In the Wall

It has become harder and harder for me to blog. I just do not see the reason for talking or expressing myself too much anymore. If you just don't get it, fuck you. If I have to explain it or myself to you, fuck you again. I know it is probably not the healthiest thing but I really do not give a shit.
I am so tired. No one cares and so I have run out of reasons to care. There is only one reason I have left to care and if you know me you know what that reason is. MAEGAN.
I have become so tired of being the person that everyone sees as that person that I have just lost interest in caring. It has come from a long line of no one giving a shit.
No one that knows me-knows me. Not one person, except MAEGAN. No one knows how smart I am. My mom used to know. No one believes in anything I do. People used to call me the child prodigy and I used to hate it. People show a lot of pity for me when they find out what all the horrible things that happened to me when I was a kid, and I hate that. What I hate more than anything is that NO ONE in my life takes the time to really know me.
Lately, on a daily basis I find more to hate then I find to love. It used to be different. I have run out of reasons. I have run out of verbage.
I like this guy. He knows. Nothing. Now? Sounds familiar doesn't it?
I feel like I know this option. The ghosts are crawling on our skin. Can't undo what has been done. I feel like at any moment I could just cross to the other side. I feel as if I am on my way there...moments from the edge.
How can I pull anyone up on dry land when all I have is sinking sand. The trick ain't worth the time it buys. I'm sick of hearing my own lies. Loves a raven when it flies. Meet me on the other side?
It is ONE of the reasons why I love Supernatural so much. Yes, people...make your fun. But, death, hell, demons...these are real to me. These are intense. These things...for me...are what I can feel. When I see a man on a screen feel something as deep as these things...I feel in return.
Life is empty for me. I see one person after another who offers nothing but lie after lie. Empty after empty. Vastness after vastness of nothingness. The void inside of me is so deep. No one knows. People have come and gone and taken their piece and no one has bothered to leave anything behind.
He always want to know why I am so mad, but he never takes the time to see or notice the hole he has left. He only sees the anger he has left behind. I don't have the space to explain to him what he has done because he doesn't have the heart to understand. I see right through him. The minute I realized what he saw when he looked at me, I knew anytime was wasted time. It is sad really. I just hope it does not pass to my baby. It takes a lot of love these days to keep your heart from freezing.
You can't change the way people see you. It sucks really. They wear glasses. They see what they want to see. And when they make their judgment call, it sticks. No matter what. It just don't stop. Unless you have love. Love is a valiant virtue. Not too many people have it. You don't see it too often these days either. There is so much hate that Love is just hidden in between the cracks of it all.
And I am the one with no soul. One above and one below.

Feels Like You Made A Mistake. You Made Somebody's Heart Break. But Now I Have To Let You Go.

Take your head around the world and see what you get from your mind. Write your soul down word for word and see who's your friend and who is kind.
Take your straight line for a curve and make it stretch, the same old line. Try to find if it was worth what you spent...why you're guilty for the way you're feeling now.
Take yourself out to the curb and sit and wait...a fool for life. It's almost like a disease.
It is so hard NOT TO HATE.
I want to hate. The hate is brimming over my eyes like water boiling over a damn. Every chance you give to people turns into something muddy and worthless. Love has failed. Love is suppose to conquer. I am slowly giving up. I see people who don't appreciate the opportunity to keep the love they have and I am enraged. Some things in this world, they don't make sense. Some things in this world you just can't change.
I am so tired of crying. I am so tired of feeling. I want to rip the emotions right out of my chest. If I never have to look at another in the eyes again, I will be OK with that. You try to have faith in people but when they continue to let you down, you have to ask yourself, what is left?
I can be your love machine and I can be your friend, I guess there ain't no shame in feeling strong for one another. We could make a real true color come end to end then...
God damn, change of pace...
I think you've got a piece of my heart on your face.
It's a shame to let it waste...How does it taste? How DOES it taste?
I don't want to be your crutch, one step away from down.
You should of thought this through. What you did was selfish. I stood up for you.
I should of known. I should of seen right through you. Stupid me. Stupid you. Nothing for nothing and nothing for something.
There is no cake. No frosting. No cake mix. No recipe.
Big mistake...big mistake with the cake. You take a hit now, you feel it break down. It makes you stay wide awake. This is how a heart breaks.

I Am Jack's Complete Sense Of Rejection, Awareness & Hatred

Tyler Durden says: If you could wake up in a different time, in a different place...can you wake up as a different person?
I say, yes and I up your crazy with, "You can exist in the same place as other people and not exist."
Such as this, hatred, anger, rebellion, murder, anxiety, and all the pure evils of the soul are created. None only by us. By God's creation. He gives us love, we create hate.
We are such vile creatures. We are mean. We are discretionary with our love. Love is abundant yet we decide who is good enough. Because it has been done unto me, shall I do it into you.
Poppycock. Grow a pair.
This world is too vast and life is going too fast for me to take the time to slow down for your ridiculousness. I have no time for disbelief in love or disbelief in mutual respect. I have no time for someone who quietly says to me, "you mean nothing to me" but does not have the pair to say it to my face. I have no time nor space for that. If you can do that to someone, you ... well I have nothing to say to you.
I see you. I see all of you. I see when you lie. I love it when someone lies to me in ANY form or manner and thinks that I believe them. Believe me, playing stupid has gotten me farther than you think. When you think I am doing something for a reason, think again, because I am 20 steps ahead of most of you. Lamers.
No one in life can control anything. You just can't. It is impossible. You get what you get and that is just it. When you try and control other people or control situations, you look bad. You look like you are mean and bored. Live each day. Don't boggle yourself with the petty shit of others. Who cares what someone believes in if it doesn't match your own beliefs? Who cares if someone did something you consider to be "not the right thing". Get over it. WE ALL FUCK UP.
If you spend your life living one big disappointment after another, you are going to die unhappy. If you spend your life finding something to be upset or worried about, you are going to die alone and unhappy. Life is NOT a soap opera. That is what television is for. Live your DAYS OF YOUR LIVES on the TV show people.
I'm a troublemaker, never been a faker...doin' things my own way & never giving up.

Bright Lights

Maybe I should get out of town, on a railway New York bound.
You took all except my name.

There's some things in this world you just can't change.
Some things you can't see until it gets too late.

I got a hole in me now. I got a scar I need to talk about.
I keep a picture of you, in my room.

For me, some things in this world...man, they don't make sense.
For you, some things you don't need until they leave you, then they're things that you miss.

Baby, baby, baby...when all my love is gone, who will save you from all your up against in this world? Maybe, maybe, maybe, you'll find something that's enough to keep you.

But if the bright lights don't receive you...you should turn yourself around...

Let it take you in. Let it spit you out. Let it take you down.
But if the bright lights don't receive you...for God's sake turn around.

Mojo Pin

I'm lying in my bed
The blanket is warm
This body will never be
Safe from harm
Still feel your hair
Black ribbons of coal
Touch my skin
To keep me whole....

Oh...if only you'd come back to me..
If you laid at my side...
Wouldn't need no Mojo Pin
To keep me satisfied...

Don't wanna weep for you
Don't wanna know
I'm blind and tortured
The white horses flow
Memories fire
The rhythms fall slow
Black beauty I love you so....

Uh precious precious silver and gold
And pearls in oyster's flesh
Drop down we two to serve and pray to love
Born again from the rhythm
Screaming down from heaven
Ageless, ageless and I'm there in your arms......

Don't wanna weep for you
I don't wanna know
I'm blind and tortured
The white horses flow
The memories fire
The rhythms fall slow.
Black beauty I love you so....so..so..so...

Oh the welts of your scorn, my love
Give me more
Send whips of opinion down my back
Give me more
Well it's you I've waited my life to see
It's you I've searched so hard for....

Don't wanna weep for you
Don't wanna know
I'm blind and tortured
The white horses flow
The memories fire
The rhythms fall slow.
Black beauty I love you so.....so...black black black beauty.....

(Dedicated to MAB)

LISTEN TO THE SONG HERE

You Got It Bad, You Saw The Sun Like You Knew That You Would. Ain’t No Peace In The Valley Baby Until The Darkness Turns To Light.

I have NEVER been at a loss for words.
NEVER.
You make me lose my words.
I want to write so much about you. I want to write about how you make me feel. I want to write about how you make me twist and turn until I bleed and leak. I looked into your eyes and saw
a world that does not exist. I looked into your eyes and saw a world I wish I was in.
I want to write about your skin. I want to tell everyone in the world about how your skin and the memory of it makes me want to fall to the floor every time I think of it. Lately all I want is to be in your hole. Sleep without a dream as cold as it seems. Your milky white, soft, dreamy, amazing skin is beyond what I have ever imagined a man's skin could ever be. Soothing, disturbing...I'm intoxicated with fear.
Your silky black hair has left me standing with my fingers spread looking for something to touch. You have left me disease ridden and I am scavenging for a cure on a daily basis. I need a release. I need to be free from this feeling before I break something or someone or myself. You have captivated me in a way that I cannot categorized or easily reference. You have me locked down in a way that I call "prisoner". I want to be free. I am begging for freedom.
When I am with you I feel flames. When I think about you I feel like I might melt into a thousand pieces at once. When I am with you, I think I might never stop smiling. I am intoxicated by your every move, your every word, your every breath, your every laugh, your every stupid, meaningless action.
The spell you have me under must be broken. I must be released now. You make me feel like the Amazon's running between my thighs. You make me feel love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
You make me feel like a candy apple, red and horny. You make me feel like I wanna be a dumb blonde in a centerfold, the girl next door...and I would open the door and...I'd be all wet with my tits soaking through this tiny little t-shirt...that I'm wearing and you would open the door and tie...you'd up to the bed.
You have the most amazing smile I have ever seen in my LIFE.
I DO NOT WANT TO LOVE YOU. I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT YOU EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF MY DAY AND EVERY DREAMING MOMENT OF THE NIGHT.
I WISH I NEVER MET YOU.
I AM MADLY, MADLY, MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU AND I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHY.
MORE OVER, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY you have no reciprocation for me.
I would do pretty much ANYTHING to be rid of this feeling right now. I am so tired of feeling uneven. I am so tired of feeling this pain. I am so tired of feeling this hurt.
I drink good coffee every morning...it comes from a place that's far away and when I'm done I feel like talking. Without you here there is less to say. I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy. What is closer to the truth is, that if I lived till I was 102, I just don't think I'll ever get over you.
Your face it dances and it haunts me. Your laughter, it rings in my ears. I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner, because I'm here to say that I do. Even though I may soon feel the touch of love, I just don't think I'll ever get over you.

I Feel Like A Quote Out Of Context Withholding The Rest...The Best Imitation of Myself

Just one time. Just one time I wish it would stick. So much faux happening that I am lost in what might be real. I guess one time is all it would really take therefore signifying the importance of so many required fails. FAIL. Just one word. Just one string of words is all I wish for. Words of substance and meaning....of emotion and desire....passion and obsession. Want ONE. Want TWO. Want THREE. Want FOUR. Want MORE. Why can't I have more? I am not asking for apple pie. I am asking for some more. A bowl full of bite size brownies. All I got was some amazing tasting crumbs. Normally at this point in time I would be doing something that I would regret later. Something has changed in me....or has it?

You See It's Too Much To Ask For AND I Am Not The Doctor.

I don't want to be the filler if the void is solely yours.
I don't want to be your glass of single malt whiskey, hidden in the bottom drawer.
I don't want to be a bandage if the wound is not mine.
Lend me some fresh air!
I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you.
I don't want to be your babysitter; you're a very big boy now.
I don't want to be your mother; I didn't carry you in my womb for nine months.
Show me the back door!
I don't want to be the sweeper of the egg shells that you walk upon.
I don't want to be your other half; I believe that 1 and 1 make 2.
I don't want to be your food or the light from the fridge on your face at midnight.
Hey! What are you hungry for?
I don't want to be the glue that holds your pieces together.
I don't want to be your idol, see this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights.
I don't want to be lived through, a vicarious occasion.
Please open the window!
I don't want to live on someday when my motto is last week.
I don't want to be responsible for your fractured heart, and it's wounded beat.
I don't want to be a substitute for the smoke you've been inhaling.
What do you thank me…what do you thank me for?
Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6, will I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in?
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom…

Dedicated to MAB