Buy Me A Drink Sing Me A Song Take Me As I Am Because I Can't Stay Long

Today is my birthday. I have once again gotten older and wiser and more quiet. I yearn for more but have less. My heart is bigger and my mind is deep. My soul is endless and my thoughts, well, let's just say they have no bounds. Good night yesterday. Hello today. Sweet dreams last night. Good morning tomorrow. Good day new year. Here is to another new beginning of what ever is on its way. They say you can't stop it...what's on it's way.

With A Thousand Lies & A Good Diguise Hit Them Right Between The Eyes

The words rang through me, past my skin, into my heart and penetrated my soul. The betrayal laid not in the truth of the words but in the fact that I did not feel the same hatred for my opponent. Why can't I feel that hate? God, please grant me that hate. Please allow me to feel that annoyance when he speaks. God, you have given me a lot of pain and suffering what is a little more hate? I am begging you. Grant me some hate toward this man. Just a little. Just enough to not love him the way he does not love me. Just enough to make it not hurt when he says these things to me. Why do I have to feel all the love?
With a thousand lies and good disguise, hit me right between the eyes, RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES, Lord.

Up And Coming Blogs

You may notice from time to time that there are single sentence blogs then they are gone hours later. Think of them as a glimpse or rather a preview of a future blog in the making.

For All This There Is One Thing You Should Know

I do not talk about that which is already obvious. I don't feel the need to explain something that doesn't require an explanation and if you even hint that you intend for me to do so, you are automatically on my shit/dumbshit list. At any given time I am processing more than a thousand thoughts or problems. I am a mathematical person and I see numbers everywhere. I see shapes and patterns in everything. I am too busy thinking about reality to talk about possibility. Possibility is endless. Reality just is.

Balance And Fade

Shame on me, I can tell by the look in your eyes. The hardest part is about being me is abiding by my number one rule.

LIVE IN THE TRUTH

Live: Breath, realize, be aware of, acknowledge, speak of, look at, mesh with...etc.
In: Existing and Consisting Solely of
Truth: An Absolute, Fact, Non-False

The truth came wrapping a gently tapping at my door. When I pretended to not answer, he started to knock louder. I told myself it probably was thunder I was hearing. Suddenly there was a sound of a million tiny pieces of glass being shattered. The truth refused to be kept out any longer. He let himself in. What a mess. At first I was annoyed. I did not want to clean up all that glass. It was my fault. I should of just let that asshole in when he gently wrapped the first time.

He loves me. He loves me NOT.

It Is All About The Climb

I have always told myself that worrying should not even be an option when things get hard. However, somehow, it always happens to me. Things can always work out. You better bet there will be some HARD and UGLY work to be done. It is almost sadistic, the pain one must endure to reach the other side. Because it is not even about what is one the other side, it is about the beauty of the scar which is obtained on the way there.

There Has Got To Be Something Better Than In The Middle

Where there is anger there is hurt. Under the hurt is love. My love is strong. It is a very powerful force. A long time ago there was anger. The hurt has been washed away by a lot of tears. The hurt has been cleansed with a lot of singing. The hurt has been massaged out of my soul and into this blog. Can you feel it? Four years of pain? Hours of loneliness? Feelings of being left to fend for one's self as an independent with no regard for the status of one's well being. Minutes upon countless minutes, millions of minutes, hoping, wishing, begging, that it all would come to a crashing stop and miraculously change. I GIVE it to you. I admonish it upon you. I will no longer bear witness to it's pain. I rip off this badge and throw it at my Weebles master. Into the universe I will offer it and let it go. Then I will be done.
It is all I can do. When what is done is done, all we can do is do more.